Ah, bedtime routines! For many parents, there are times when putting a child to bed can become a real challenge. We start wondering what’s going on, what we could have done differently, and what we could put in place to make bedtime calmer and more peaceful.
Between last-minute meltdowns, tears over a forgotten plushie, or the classic “one more story, Mom!”, bedtime can quickly turn into a moment of tension and exhaustion for the whole family. The child who “refuses” to sleep is often trying to negotiate, stretch out the moment, or keep their parent in the room.
In this article, we’ll explore three key strategies to encourage a peaceful bedtime starting as soon as you get home, by understanding why they work and how to apply them step by step.
Why sleep is essential for your child (and for you)
Before diving into practical tips, let’s remind ourselves why quality sleep is so important:
For the child: Sleep is essential for cognitive development, emotional regulation, and physical health. A well-rested child is more focused, less irritable, and more available to learn.
For the parent: Difficult falling asleep or frequent night wakings lead to fatigue, irritability, stress, and tension, making parents less available, night after night and day after day.
For family dynamics: Tense evenings, frequent conflicts, feelings of helplessness, and less enjoyment in everyday life.
In short, good sleep = a child who thrives + calmer parents + a more harmonious family.
1. Balance your interventions: emotional security comes first
It’s important to know that a calming bedtime routine doesn’t start at 7 p.m. It actually begins the moment you walk in the door after the day. Everything you do beforehand – and especially your attitude – matters right up until bedtime.
Why? Because falling asleep peacefully isn’t just about realizing it’s time for bed. It’s about feeling good, reassured, confident, and happy. Who can fall asleep easily with a worried heart, after an argument, or feeling scared in the evening? It’s hard, even for us adults… so imagine how difficult it is for a child.
One of the foundations of a peaceful bedtime is emotional security. When a child feels good emotionally, they’re more likely to accept separating from you to fall asleep.
Here’s a simple exercise to help: balance your interventions during the evening. Take a sheet of paper and imagine two columns.
In one column, draw a heart every time you do something positive for your child: a smile, a high five, a gentle touch, an affectionate nickname, a “thank you,” etc.
In the other column, draw an X every time you correct or reprimand them: raising your voice, warning, sighing, rolling your eyes, applying a consequence, or criticizing.
Of course, correcting your child is normal! The goal isn’t to allow everything, but to find balance.
If, over the course of the evening, negative interventions outweigh the positive ones, it’s normal for your child to go to bed with a kind of “emotional deficit” and a bitter feeling. They’ll then try to reassure themselves in their own way: extra hugs, requests for closeness, or tears.
From now on, consider bedtime preparation as starting the moment you get home.
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Increase positive interventions.
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Limit negative interventions.
2. Create a bedtime atmosphere as soon as you get home: the “cobra” technique
Preparing for sleep also means creating an atmosphere that gradually guides both the body and the mind toward a calm, peaceful bedtime.
For example, it would be almost impossible for me to fall asleep at 10 p.m. if I had just finished a workout at 9 p.m. My energy would be at its peak, my body in action mode. I’d need a transition: a shower, a calmer atmosphere, maybe some TV or reading, soft lighting… time to slowly unwind.
For your child, it’s exactly the same. They need to be gently guided toward sleep, slowing down more and more as bedtime approaches.
This is what I call the “cobra” technique: a progressive process that helps your child relax and prepare for sleep, almost as if you were gently hypnotizing their brain into a state of calm.
Why it works
A child’s brain needs consistent, clear signals to understand that it’s time to calm down. Dim lighting, soft sounds, no screens, moments of closeness, and affectionate gestures create a smooth transition between daytime activity and sleep.
If you wait until bedtime itself to introduce calm, the child is often still overstimulated, full of energy or emotions, making falling asleep much harder. By preparing the atmosphere ahead of time, you support a natural calming process that makes bedtime more peaceful and pleasant.
How to put it into practice
Here are some concrete actions to integrate into the bedtime routine:
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Dim the lights during bath or shower time to gently signal that the day is coming to an end. You can also reduce lighting in other rooms so your child senses that the pace of the day is slowing down.
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Play soft, instrumental music (no lyrics) starting at evening snack time or during the bath. Relaxation or massage-style music helps your child gradually unwind.
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Turn off all screens (TV, tablet, phone) at least 15 to 30 minutes before bedtime to reduce stimulation.
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Create a cozy, comforting moment: Spend 10 to 15 minutes with your child in the parents’ bed or another comfortable spot. Use this time to fill their emotional tank: cuddles with a soft stuffed animal, reading, calm conversation, soft lighting… anything that helps your child feel safe and soothed.
You’ll start noticing little yawns 🙂 (maybe even yours!).
3. Final bedroom ritual: 2–3 minutes maximum
After all this gradual preparation, the time spent in your child’s bedroom should stay short, gentle, and reassuring. The emotional tank has already been filled during the previous step with a warm 10–15 minutes of stories or conversation before heading to bed.
Why the ritual should be brief
A ritual that’s too long in the bedroom can maintain dependency and prolong wakefulness. The bed can then become a place for negotiation rather than sleep. By limiting the ritual to 2–3 minutes, you send a clear message: “It’s time to sleep.”
How to do it
Here are a few simple, effective gestures:
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A soft lullaby, a light hand massage, or gentle strokes on the back or hair.
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A reassuring “magic sentence,” for example: “I love you, sleep well, I’ll see you in the morning.”
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Leave the room without extending the interaction. The bed then becomes the final signal for sleep.
The secret: the emotional tank was filled beforehand. Your child feels safe, and the bed is simply the final cue to fall asleep.
Why these three steps work
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Balancing interventions: Your child feels loved, understood, and safe, which reduces resistance at bedtime.
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Preparing the bedtime atmosphere: A gradual transition calms the brain and makes falling asleep easier.
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A short final ritual: Sends a clear signal, encourages independence, and leads to more peaceful nights.
When to seek extra support
For some children, even with these strategies in place, falling asleep remains difficult for weeks, months, or even years. In these cases, personalized support can help:
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Identify behaviours that delay sleep
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Adapt routines to your child’s temperament and age
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Put strategies in place for independent sleep onset
Conclusion: bedtime as a moment of connection and gentleness
These three steps – balancing interventions, preparing the bedtime atmosphere, and creating a simple bedroom ritual – help build a sleep-friendly environment while strengthening your relationship with your child and improving overall family dynamics.
With a little consistency and kindness, bedtime can become a moment of connection and calm instead of a source of stress. Your evenings – and your nights – will feel the difference right away.
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